Tag Archives: gore

There Will Be Blood

This week I sent My Little Bloody Mary (pictured below) off to her happy new haunt.

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As you can see, she’s exceedingly pale and her eyes are spilling over with thick tears of blood.  Charming, right?  I don’t know what she has but I hope to never catch it.  As usual, I got a little carried away when I packed the box to ship.  I decided to splatter the white tissue paper I packed the box in with red paint, so it had a sort of ‘present from Dexter’ vibe to it.  It seemed appropriate.

Between that, certain current events (#LiveTweetYourPeriod, #PeriodsAreNotAnInsult, #justatampon), and not being able to get this awesome Tacocat song out of my head (also embedded below), I suddenly remembered a deliciously disgusting cocktail I put together for a Halloween party a few years past.  It was based on a recipe I found on allrecipes.com, which they called Lava Lamps.  I called it The Bloodclot.

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The Recipe

1 (one) 2.5 oz Jello shot* (MUST BE RED! Whatever red flavor you like best. Strawberry, cherry, raspberry, cranberry, whatever blows your skirt up)

6-8 oz of Pink Moscato Barefoot champagne (whatever the capacity of your champagne flute allows)

1 (one) o.b. tampon

*the perfect ratio for Jello shots is 1 cup boiling water to 1 cup vodka.  Use the cheap stuff, and unflavored.  The Jello mix has all the flavor you need, and you can’t taste the difference between top shelf and well through all that gelatinous Kool-Aid.  Sugar-free mix is best, because the extra sugar will give you a hangover headache straight from Hell itself.

Mix up your booze-laden Jello and pour into plastic shot cups; let set in the fridge.  Stir firm Jello shot into chunks, spoon into champagne flute.  Tie o.b. tampon to base of flute (your choice whether to dip in red paint ahead of time, or leave white and clean). Pour champagne over chunked-up Jello shot; stir, and consume.  Be warned: they are powerful.

So, sit back and sip your Bloodclot** as you live tweet Donald Trump and listen to this sick beat:

** I will admit, this was not a popular choice among the gentlemen present that night, but the ladies thought it was a hilariously grody good time.


Just Starting… with Severed Heads

I built this thing months ago, and then spent week after week after week trying to decide what the first post should be about.  Every possible ‘first post’ topic was too cutesy, too old, out of season, or dull.  Excuse followed excuse, and here we are, months later, and only virtual spiderwebs adorn this blog.  I said I was going to be dedicated this time!  Shit!

So, in the name of research and advice (and totally not just further procrastination), I read article after article about blogging, and how to build your brand, and how your posts should have purpose, and all kinds of really helpful nonsense, until finally I came across some common sense (somewhere…would link if I remembered)… “Just start”, it said.  Stop trying to make everything perfect and just do the fucking thing already.  So here I am, just starting.

Today, I’d like to talk about severed heads.

We just got done with our annual Halloween party, which this year had a Medieval theme, so obviously I had to mount some severed heads on a wall.  Obviously.

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And the detail views:

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I bought styrofoam heads (like for wigs) at my local craft supply store and proceeded to ‘horrify’ them with acrylic paint, wigs, and a few other odds and ends.  I found the wigs at a thrift store.  I didn’t feel great about touching said wigs in general, and felt even weirder when the clerk rang them up without comment.  I realized in that moment that there wasn’t a single thing I could say right then that would make buying two secondhand wigs, one male and one female, that would make the situation less awkward.  “Don’t worry, they’re not going on MY head,” …nope. “I thought those would be perfect for the severed heads I’m making” …definitely not.  I frequently spend my time in the checkout line at Goodwill trying to think of comments to help explain my purchases so that maybe I’ll seem a little less strange, and inevitably only come up with ways to make it worse.  If anyone out there works the register at a thrift store, and a woman comes through your line with things like gross wigs and Barbie heads and children’s nightgowns and ceramic clowns, cut her some slack.  She’s not a serial killer, and she’s concentrating really, really hard on not creeping you out.

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The Making Of

As you can see above, I keep a very neat and organized work space.

So it turns out that styrofoam has an excellent texture for making severed heads.  Who knew, right?  The heads come with a flared out neck and flat base, so they’ll sit nicely on a flat surface, but I needed them looking messy and mounted on spikes.  So, I clawed the neck bases apart like an animal, breaking pieces off and scratching bits here and there, leaving the rough surface see above.  I think we’re all familiar with the pebbly texture of torn styrofoam.  Turns out, when you cover that pebbly surface with red and black paint, it makes pretty decent rotting flesh.  I used a spray sealer on all of them to give it a shiny, bloody-looking finish, and added white rice for maggots on one:

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WARNING: TRYPOPHOBIA TRIGGER BELOW

Trypophobia, for those of you who don’t know, is a fear of small holes.  Usually, a cluster of irregular small holes, such as a lotus seed pod, or honeycomb.  It sounds ridiculous, but Google it, and see if the images don’t turn your stomach.  I was surprised to find out that a lot of the pictures made me feel really uneasy, like almost nauseous.  This article explains it better than I can. Have fun disappearing down that particular Internet rabbit hole.

Anyway, I figured, “So, that’s gross and horrible and strange and seemingly fairly prevalent, I should work it into a Halloween decoration!”  Because I am the worst.  So that’s exactly what I did.  I bought a sprig of autumn foliage at the craft store that included a lotus seed pod (ugh), sliced off the top of it, and set it with tacky glue (and a metric fuckton of red fabric paint) into the cheek of one of my heads:

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At Dave’s suggestion (Dave is my Hubster), I added black glass marbles into the mix:

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I think we can all agree, that’s nasty.

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I have to admit, the marbles weighed down that side of the face terrifically, so once the heads were mounted on the wall, I had a hell of a time stopping this one from tipping over and spinning around so that the marbles faced the ground.  Stupid gravity, getting in the way of all my plans.

The woman was the first head I made.  I think she is probably the least scary/gross, but for whatever reason, she is my favorite.  There’s not much to her, and I think the wig is mostly what makes her, but even so… favorite.

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When I finished her, I put her in the closet for (fairly) safe storage (always the chance of an avalanche in there), and whenever I would open the door, and her face would be there, seemingly sleeping, I would get this vision of the eyes suddenly popping open.  And that freaked me right the fuck out.

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Eventually I got smart, and turned her face to the wall.  But that is legitimately how I judge the quality of my Halloween crafts… if I don’t enjoy being alone in a room with it at night (or better yet, even during the daylight hours), I’ve done something right.

Speaking of...

Speaking of…

To close out, some photos of the heads the night of the party… apparently the camera HATES the dramatic red spotlighting on them, and they all came out blurry as shit.  Sorry.  But you get the idea.  Pin them anyway.  Pin them all!

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Me & Hubstep aka Thor, with heads in background

Me & Hubstep aka Thor, with heads in background


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