This week I sent My Little Bloody Mary (pictured below) off to her happy new haunt.
As you can see, she’s exceedingly pale and her eyes are spilling over with thick tears of blood. Charming, right? I don’t know what she has but I hope to never catch it. As usual, I got a little carried away when I packed the box to ship. I decided to splatter the white tissue paper I packed the box in with red paint, so it had a sort of ‘present from Dexter’ vibe to it. It seemed appropriate.
Between that, certain current events (#LiveTweetYourPeriod, #PeriodsAreNotAnInsult, #justatampon), and not being able to get this awesome Tacocat song out of my head (also embedded below), I suddenly remembered a deliciously disgusting cocktail I put together for a Halloween party a few years past. It was based on a recipe I found on allrecipes.com, which they called Lava Lamps. I called it The Bloodclot.
1 (one) 2.5 oz Jello shot* (MUST BE RED! Whatever red flavor you like best. Strawberry, cherry, raspberry, cranberry, whatever blows your skirt up)
6-8 oz of Pink Moscato Barefoot champagne (whatever the capacity of your champagne flute allows)
1 (one) o.b. tampon
*the perfect ratio for Jello shots is 1 cup boiling water to 1 cup vodka. Use the cheap stuff, and unflavored. The Jello mix has all the flavor you need, and you can’t taste the difference between top shelf and well through all that gelatinous Kool-Aid. Sugar-free mix is best, because the extra sugar will give you a hangover headache straight from Hell itself.
Mix up your booze-laden Jello and pour into plastic shot cups; let set in the fridge. Stir firm Jello shot into chunks, spoon into champagne flute. Tie o.b. tampon to base of flute (your choice whether to dip in red paint ahead of time, or leave white and clean). Pour champagne over chunked-up Jello shot; stir, and consume. Be warned: they are powerful.
So, sit back and sip your Bloodclot** as you live tweet Donald Trump and listen to this sick beat:
** I will admit, this was not a popular choice among the gentlemen present that night, but the ladies thought it was a hilariously grody good time.