I have one word, one very important word for all you home haunters out there: CHEESECLOTH. Cheesecloth is your new best friend. If you’ve ever purchased “creepy cloth” at the Halloween store at $7 for 2 yards, or bought those bags of fibrous bullshit that you pull apart and stretch to make spiderwebs, this post is for you. Cheesecloth is about to change your game up.
Oh, people of Sherwood, you’ve been had! Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Firstly, “creepy cloth” (or “freaky fabric”, or whatever they choose to call it at your particular local Halloween store) is just cheesecloth that has been roughed up a bit for you, and therefore costs approximately 3x as much. Do your own ripping and tearing, and spend more money on candy and booze. Now, I will admit, I don’t mind paying the extra if it’s a different color, like black, and I’m using it to create an effect other than spiderwebs, because ain’t nobody got time to be dying cheesecloth all different colors in their utility tub. Fuck that.
And those bags of “super-stretch” spiderwebs? Has anyone, in the history of ever, EVER had any easy time with that crap? The effect comes off cheap and cheesy, and it’s a pain in the ass to put up AND to take down. Cleaning that stuff up is the absolute WORST. WORST!! The point is, it’s terrible and I hate it.
Lovely, lovely cheesecloth, however, is the bee’s knockin’ knees, you guys.
…I don’t even know what that means. But what you should take away from this is, cheesecloth is great.
The effect is absolutely stunning, it’s super easy to clean up, and you can re-use it year after year after year. AND you can use it for like, a hundred other cool things besides making spiderwebs.
SO. This year, for our medieval theme, we turned our garage into… The Catacombs. Which, I felt, required the entire ceiling to be absolutely riddled with webs. I didn’t, in the end, actually get the whole ceiling covered, but…
The cheesecloth webs have a much more realistic effect than that bag of stretchy cotton will ever be able to provide. AND they were super easy to put up, thanks to this guy:
Because I am a short li’l stack of pancakes, I have a hard time reaching the ceiling in the garage, even when standing on a chair. And our ladder is too tall to even open up in the garage. This presented me with a problem. How would I cover the ceiling in cobwebs if I couldn’t reach it? So, my big strong MacGyver bent up some metal, covered the edge in Avengers duct tape, and created the perfect cobwebbin’ stick. It has a hole in the top that is just big enough to allow a standard push-pin to sit in it, but not fall through. So, we would place the push-pin in its holster, drape the torn cheesecloth over it, and push it up into the ceiling.
Worked like a charm.
I think I’ll get into the games we had going in the garage (and the shaming photo-op) in the next post, so for now, just remember that cheesecloth is the best and that having a fantastical cobwebbin’ stick makes it even better.